10 vozackih zapovijedi

10 vozackih zapovijedi

Status
Zatvorena za pisanje odgovora.
Oggy

Oggy

Početnik
Ovo bi trebalo znati: :icon_twisted:

1. Neka ti auto bude bog. Ljubi ga svim srcem, svom snagom i vise nego
samog sebe. Ako te neko uvrijedi ili isprebija pomisli na svoj auto i
podnesi bol i sramotu.
Ako neko makar i malo ogrebe tvoj auto, odmah ga napadni odgovarajucim
francuskim kljucem.

2. Neka ti je auto uvijek cist, lijep i po mogucnosti blistav. Tvoj auto -
tvoja bolja polovina.

3. Neka ti tip, oznaka i proizvodjac tvog auta budu najvece svetinje i
autoriteti. Sa svetim odusevljenjem i fanatizmom propagiraj im
kvalitetu. Tudje motorizirane svece i autoritete nuzno je gledati
s prezrive visine. Omalovazavaj ih svakom prilikom i na svakom mjestu.

4. Neka ti svaka nedjelja bude posvecena drugovanju s autom. Upoznaj svijet,
ljude, bogatstva prirode i kulture, ljepote naselja i krajolika brzinom
od 150 km/h. Kad se vratis - ako ne dospijes u bolnicu ili na jos gore
mjesto - pricaj o valjanosti puteva.

5. Svoje roditelje drzi sto dalje od auta, jer, kao sto znas, pripadaju
zastarijeloj generaciji lisenoj plamene ljubavi prema motorizaciji.
Prepusti ih pjesacenju da dugo zive i misle da im je dobro na Zemlji.

6. Ako se pred tobom - dok si u svom elementu - nadje kakav pjesacki
bjednik, stjeraj ga urlajuci trubom na rub ceste, da ti se onako jadan
ne podvuce medju tockove. Pritisni gas sto jace mozes, pokrij ga blatom
i prasinom, jer nije vrijedan da te vidi... Uostalom kakvog posla ima
obican pjesak na cesti. Usput trubi bez prestanka, neka cijela okolica
zna da se vozis i ocekujes da ti se svi sa 2 ili 4 godine uklone sa
puta. Kada parkiras u nocnim satima, pusti iz motora zavijajuci glas
i sto snaznije udaraj vratima.

7. Kao pravi motorizirani gusar, lako ces steci simpatije i sanse djevojaka
i raspustenica slicnih misli kao sto su tvoje. Ako te gledaju zenske
osobe, potjeraj jos brze svoj Ferrari, Porsche ili Jaguar i budi sto
glasniji. Na tebi je da im pokazes da mozes voziti bez jedne, pa cak i
bez obje ruke. Ako imas nocni "spoj" u autu, neka to saznaju svi, ili
bar sto vise osoba.

8. Vrtovi u cvatu, njive pod povrcem, krumpirista i rasadnici mogu se
uspjesno koristiti kao parkiralista. Odatle ces uz tranzistor ili
pokretni televizor uzivati u ljepoti okolne prirode. Napadaj, unistavaj
drvece sve dok opcinu ne uvjeris da je u "opcem interesu" duzna posjeci
i ukloniti sva stabla koja bacaju sjenu na teren kojim se koristis.

9. U slucaju nesrece (naravno ako je prezivis) , zapamti da ti "zbog svoje
ljubavi prema istini" nikada ne mozes biti kriv. Uvijek su krivi drugi.

10. Tvoj osnovni zivotni cilj je - preticanje. Trudi se da preteknes
znance i prijatelje velicinom, cijenom i dodatnom opremom svoga auta.
Kada to i uspijes, preteci ih brzinom i drskoscu. Da ces ih jednog dana
pretjeci i odlaskom u Kraljevstvo Nebesko, ni u to ne smijes sumnjati.
 
Oggy

Oggy

Početnik
kao i bumper stickers:

Been There - Shit Happened

Boldly Going Nowhere

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

Cover me I'm changing lanes

Don't laugh, your daughter may be inside - (on a custom van)

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

Hang up and drive.

He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Honk if anything falls off

Honk if you're ontologically alienated

Horn broken watch for finger

How can I get in your way when you don't even have one?

I brake for no apparent reason

I don't brake.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Iconoclast

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a
Jeep)

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

Karmically Challenged

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

My other car has bumperstickers, too

My son isn't an honor student he plays hockey

Post Cool

Question Appearances

Question Authority

Question Reality

Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.

Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.

So many pedestrians so little time

Subvert the Dominant Paradigm

This bumpersticker exploits illiterates

This is it, I don't have another car.

This is Not an Abandoned Vehicle - on an old, rusted-out car with 2 plastic
bags taped over where the rear windows used to be, parked in a shopping
center.

Today's Mood: Irritable

Warning! I brake for hallucinations

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

Welcome to California. Now Go Home.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the
wrong
way

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the
bodies.

If you're driving close enough to read this, you probably
learned to drive in Texas.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

REHAB is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep

Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!


A fool and his money are soon partying.

I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

I'm not so think as you drunk I am.

Save California; when you leave take someone with you.

Geez if you belive in honkus.

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Eschew obfuscation.

Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

I know high people in places.

Don't blame me, I voted for Dole.

Don't follow me, I'm lost too!


Keep honking...I'm reloading.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Rehab is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

No radio - Already stolen.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

HONK IF YOU LOVE MONEY


As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in
public schools
----------------------------------------------------------------

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.


When there's a will, I want to be in it!


If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they
made of meat?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
 
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